I often get asked, “why foster care?” I never really know how to answer other than, “Why not foster care?” I honestly can’t imagine doing life any other way and I forget that everyone doesn’t do life this way.
However, if you had told me in the fall of 2009 as we were going through our training classes that today I would be the mother of a 21 year old whom I met when he was a teenager in foster care, I don’t think I would have believed you.
Drugs, Alcohol, Sex, Vaping, Self-Harm, Pornography, Stealing, Sneaking Out, Cursing, Back Talking, Running Away, Fighting, Manipulating … I’d be lying if I didn’t say that teens still scare me to death but not for any of those reasons (although those are all very real challenges that our teens face and we walk through with them). Loving a teen and showing them that they are worthy is scary, but it’s the best kind of scary.
We had had over 121 children and teens in our home and I was running our local foster closet. There was this one name, Zachary Muñoz, that kept coming up over the years but it wasn’t until he was 18 and had graduated high school that I finally got to meet this precious young man with a giant smile, a great heart and big dreams for his life. He dreamed of making things better for all the kids in foster care behind him and building the life he always wished he had had for his future family.
Shortly after his 19th birthday we lost communication, little did I know at the time the this phone had broken and he was going through a very hard time in his life.
A few months later we reconnected and in getting to know Zach and believing in him somewhere along the way I recognized that my heart loved him as my son.
The scary part was honestly myself. Would I be able to love him enough to show him that he was worthy of being loved and of reaching for his dreams?
Skittles, Coke Floats, sweet green beans, chicken casserole, noodles with chop sticks, honey mustard, chicken tenders … going to the gym, building savings, playing the game … big smile, enjoying family time and lots of hugs.
That’s my boy, my oldest son
I get to be the one, I get to be the one to love him. I get to be the one to spend time with him. I get to be the one to learn his likes and dislikes, to learn what makes him happy or sad, to learn what he is good at and enjoys.
I get to be the one to listen to his dreams, to believe in him.
I get to be the one to see his smile, to hug him, to cook his favorite meal for him, to cheer him on.
I get to be the one to watch his dreams becoming reality.
I get to be the one to watch him change the world.
On his 21st birthday, after being in foster care for over 12 years Zach aged out and a couple of hours later he made his first life decision as free adult. He choose us to be his parents, his family through adult adoption.
Knowing that he saw me worthy of being his mother and choose me is a tremendous honor that I’m reminded of daily every time I look into my son’s eyes.
I am forever grateful that he gave us a chance to love him, that we let go of our fears and gave him a chance and that we aren’t missing out on his life anymore.
I am the lucky one, I get to be his mama.
Give teens a chance, it will be hard but so incredibly worth it!!
Amanda M.
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